The holidays are fast approaching and although most look forward to the festive season, parents of children with behavioral difficulties like ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder at times dread what the holidays may bring out in their children. If you understand the underlying brain function that creates undesirable behaviors, it becomes obvious why the holidays bring on “naughty, not nice” behavior. Understanding also will help you build a plan of action to lessen the chances of behavioral flair ups during the holidays.
First and foremost, children are often mirrors of their parents’ emotions. We set such high expectations for the holidays, creating stress. Set realistic expectations for gift giving, family visits, outings and gatherings. Keep things simple and affordable, creating less stress, and your children will be able to enjoy the holidays more, as will you.
At Brain Balance we know that children who have trouble with emotional regulation, impulse control, anxiety and transitions often have a functional disconnect, with their right hemisphere not processing quickly enough to do it’s job. Calming, putting the brakes on over the top emotions, and stopping impulses before they are acted upon are right brain functions. So when a child has been over stimulated, is hungry, or fatigued, and his right hemisphere is already weaker, all the transitions, changes in routine and stress of the holidays can send their bad behaviors into overdrive. What’s a parent to do?
Realize that travel is tough. Being cooped up in the minivan, watching DVD’s for hours on end, does not a well behaved child make. So if you have a long drive to the relatives planned, build in run around breaks every hour and a half or so. Have races at the rest stop, and definitely find a playground near your destination to get the wiggles out before you arrive. Avoid prolonged screen time in the car. Instead have an arsenal of car games ready. Keep their brains stimulated with oxygen from the rest stop run around and their focus with games that challenge them with fun competition.
Whether traveling or not, eating patterns change and access to sugar typically increases around the holidays. To control behavior a child needs a steady stream of fuel to their brain. Protein converts to glucose more slowly and evenly than simple carbohydrates, avoiding highs and lows in blood sugar. Try your best to keep others from feeding your children things you know will trigger poor behavior. Make sure they eat three well balanced meals each day that include protein, healthy snacks, and not too many sweets. If you are on the road, pack a cooler.
Maintain a routine despite the fact that school is out. Getting up and dressed in the morning at around the same time, and going to bed at the appointed hour, is very important for a child. Visiting or visitors often wreak havoc with a child’s sleep. If your child is fatigued their ability to behave will be diminished.
Routine also means keeping busy during the day. Zoning out in front of the TV for half the day, almost guarantees bad behavior for the other half of the day. Make the kids part of the planning and execution of your holiday gatherings. Have them help plan and prepare meals. Let them wrap presents (who cares what they look like, it’s the thought that counts). In addition to their usual chores add some to their list (come up with things that are holiday related like watering the Christmas tree, setting the table for Hanukah, collecting pine cones to make decorations, cleaning their room for visitors).
If you need to get something done quickly, like last minute shopping, or have a long list of errands to run, leave the children at home. All the sensory input at a crowded mall, will overwhelm some kids. Transitioning from car to store, to another store, to the car, to the grocery store, etc. can lead to meltdowns. Make visiting Santa a stand-alone event, so that everyone enjoys the experience, rather than cramming it into your to-do list. It may seem like a good idea to take a child to pick out a gift for their father or grandmother, but making one will give the child a sense of accomplishment and not overwhelm them with decision making.
In summary: keep it simple. Avoiding overexposure to the commercial aspect of the holidays and focusing on family time and activities will reduce stress in you and your children. Plenty of physical activity, creative projects, maintaining good nutrition, getting enough sleep and staying busy all help a child enjoy the season and stay on the “nice” side of the list.
